DioramaWatch.com

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I’ve always been told that Midwesterners have a great affection for their State fairs. We have our own 3rd rate fair out here, where we celebrate the bounty of New England with a baked Maine potato and the nose-clogging mix of humid, earthy scents wafting down from the livestock area. Somehow, the Eastern States Exposition always seems to pale in comparison to the pictures I’ve seen of fairs in places like Iowa or Minnesota. I wondered if I was missing out.

Then, Drew sent me this picture, and suddenly I didn’t feel so bad about our rag-tag mix of tempura vendors and sheep dung.

Sure, we may not have a ferris wheel, but if we did, I bet we’d at least have some modicum of safety built in.  Look at that spinning lawsuit! No restraining bar, no seatbelts…I’m pretty sure the little boy at the top is recoiling in horror as his life flashes before him. The scariest part is, if you somehow manage to survive without falling off, John Wayne Gacy awaits at the exit.

Despite being horrified at the obvious lack of carnival ride safety inspections (or even safety requirements) in Wisconsin, what disappoints me most is the livestock.  If I’m to believe the  stereotypes, Midwesterners spend the majority of their tender youth at 4H club meetings, learning the finer points of animal husbandry.  Well folks, sad to say but I think Gregor Mendel would facepalm at the genetic misfits on display here.  If I were forced to award the blue ribbon for best bovine in this group, it would go to the woman standing on the right.  At least her blanc-et-noir polka dots kind of resemble a Holstein.

It’s sad to have to admit it, but it certainly would seem that my romantic notions of great Midwestern fairs miss the mark of reality by a fair margin.  At least this came to light now, before I found myself high above the fairgrounds, riding a ferris wheel that tries its’ damndest to kill you.